Healthy Friendships Make a Healthier Me
I debated whether or not to blog about this, but I figured why not.
Healthy friendships in essence make you a healthier person.
What would we do without friendship? Friendship truly warms the heart. Friendship makes one healthy...mentally.
As women, I don't know if we could survive without it.
So many things have happened over the last several months that have forced me to take a step back and analyze who my true friends are. Remember my post about "naysayers"? Well, some of my friends ARE naysayers, unfortunately.
Some friends who I thought where friends are only friends when it's convenient...when there's drama....when there's something good to talk about...or when they can thrive off your pain. Or they are just friends when it makes them look good. I have some of those friends.
I would do absolutely anything for my friends. I value friendship nearly above all other things. I feel friendship is truly sacred. It's a blessing. It's not something you take for granted. It's something that builds over time and is cherished with commitment. Friendship is a two-way street. It can't be one-sided. It's heartfelt. It's loyal. It's irreplaceable.
I have one friend in particular where for the longest time I felt like I was doing all the extending, all the inviting, all the giving. Try as I might, it never really felt natural. It really never felt reciprocated. I could not figure out why? I just didn't get it. I felt pained. I thought my heart hurt because I missed that friend. It took a long time for me to realize its not really that I miss that friend but it was the fact that I was being "rejected" in the first place. It wasn't until that a-ha moment that I finally felt peace. Why in the world was I wasting my time on someone who wasn't giving back? Why? So much energy lost. So much unnecessary heartache. It was at that moment I decided to let go.
Can you relate? Do you have so called friends in your life who cause you more pain than joy?
That was me. I realized that life is way too short to waste time and energy on people who really aren't worth the energy. Might sound harsh, but it's true. That doesn't mean that I'm not pleasant. I'm still friendly. I'll still be here for that person should he/she need me, but I'm not going to go out of my way any more to pursue a friendship that wasn't that strong to begin with.
Instead I'm going to focus on friends (new and old) who matter most.
REAL friendships just click. There's an immediate connection. There is a bond that feels natural. Spiritual or not, I do believe that Heavenly Father places those friends in our paths for a reason.
I have a few very close best friends who are like sisters. Somehow we all ended up in the same neighborhood. I don't believe it was by chance. These are friends who don't gossip. They don't judge. They would stay up all night to console you. They focus more on giving than on receiving. They don't tear you down, and they don't compare. They are there. They are real. No matter what. Sisters. We talk on a daily basis. We raise each others kids. We're like family.
Then I have a friend I cherish. Circumstance brought us together as teens. We have been best friends ever since. She was my maid of honor, I was one of hers. We now live thousands of miles apart, but that hasn't changed a thing. Sometimes months will go by in between emails, chats, visits, and phone calls, but it doesn't matter. Nothing changes. Every time we are reunited, its still the same. We have seen each other through our highs and lows. We've been inspirational to each other when we've needed it the most. We've never judged. Even when we've made stupid mistakes. Heaven knows I've made mine. Too many times to count. There's never been awkwardness. She has her close friends back home, and she knows I have mine, but there's something special about our friendship above all others. For me, she is irreplaceable.
I've come to realize THOSE are the types of friends I want to spend my energy on. I love ALL my friends.
The hard lesson I'm learning is, "you can't make everyone happy all the time." That's what my mom used to tell me.
In school I wore my heart on my sleeve. I was emotional. I never gave less than 100%. Everyone knows how difficult it is to be a teenage girl. Teenage girls are harsh. Oh, the drama. I was always in the middle of it. Even then I remember a girl who didn't like me. When I approached this girl she simply stated, "Jenny, not everyone has to like you." Ouch. Okay, I now get it. It's true. Just like I don't necessarily have to like everyone else. But the lesson I've learned is I'm done spending my energy on people who "don't have to like me".
My advice is the same to you. Spend your energy on real friends, the ones you love who love you back, unconditionally, and with no strings attached.
The others? Set them free. If they aren't there for you the way you are there for them, then they aren't worth it. :)
Be the best friend you can be, let things fall where they may, and Heavenly Father will take care of the rest. Your heart will feel healthier for it.
